I'm Tired

I'm Tired
March 14, 2002 - by Shonda Ponder

© 2002, Shonda Ponder

Friends of Liberty is going to see significant changes, once again.

This is due to a number of factors:

Lack of help. Friends of Liberty has has great success in getting the news out to the public. We have been instrumental in helping all of our contributors at the FLI website get their information out to a wider audience. As a result, we have acquired a great many contributors. Most would call this success. However, when you have 50 submissions per day, and time enough for only one person to post 10 - 15, this causes a backlog of posts that need to go up on the site, and one person doing it all would require (literally) a 72 hour day.

Failure to help Friends of Liberty is not letting me down, it's letting all those contributors down.

Lack of confidence. Even though we have been successful, there are too many mentally retarded people who like to still tell us why it won't work. I'm tired of beating my head against the wall.

Lack of financial support. It seems that the more people come to visit the FLI site, the more demanding the bills get. We have to pay for the web host, the computer upkeep, the telephone calls, the internet service, and the electricity to keep it running -- not to mention training tools for the new volunteers who won't buy their own stuff (if we ever get volunteers -- which we have failed to do) And, since I am the only person who has been working FLI and begging for help for the past 8 or 9 months, I would literally be on here for 15 hours a day working. That is not an exaggeration. Therefore, my groceries have to be paid for and my rent.

Stagnation. It is obvious that in the Patriot community there are those who bound and determined that anyone who is helping someone else must be chastised and insulted on a daily basis, called crazy, made passes at, called senile, called a troublemaker, called an attention junkie, ignored, accused of profiteering for personal gain, and talked about behind their back without getting any facts from the person who is directly involved, or any confirmation that anything that was said about them is true.

If this is what being a patriot is about, I no longer wish to be one. I am simply an American who was wronged by the system and abused by those I have tried desparately to help until I cannot stand it any longer. I am through helping other "Patriots". I'm done with the jealousies, the innuendos, the lies, the deceit, the egos and those who would publicly call themselves a Christian and then privately ask for a picture of you -- naked.

I'm tired of those so-called Patriots who like to talk big about what they will do when, if, however, that is, when the time comes -- when the time has already come several times and there was no help to be found for the Patriots who called for help.

I'm tired of being told by a bunch of assholes who like to wear camoflauge and play with Paintball guns on the weekends telling me I'm not doing enough to secure our liberty when I work from the time I get up until the time I go to bed -- and then only to be insulted by the very people I'm trying to help.

I'm tired of having people angry with me when I fail to attend an event when no one offered to give me a ride to the event after I have lost my car due to not having the money to pay the payments after I have given EVERYTHING I HAVE to my work for Patriots.

I gave up everything. For this -- this is the thanks I get.

One thing is for sure and for certain -- I have great respect for Viet Nam Vets who went to fight and returned home only to get spit in the face and called names. Many of them are still suffering the effects of VietNam. I sympathize. After all this, I know EXACTLY how they feel.

I want to be able to go out with my family (what family I have left) and enjoy life now and then. I want to be able to leave home and not have to worry whether or not a site will get updated on time. I want to be able to answer the phone and not be barraged with accusations about my sanity. Insane? Insanity is hoping that Patriots really care enough to pull together and get the job done. The cold hard fact is they won't, and Norm Olson can tell you why.

My health has been damaged. My emotions have been on edge for too long now, and I suffer insomnia, depression and mental fatigue constantly due to overwork with little appreciation to show for it by way of help doing what I wanted to see happen for everybody.

I simply do not have faith in so-called Patriots anymore. Only a lunatic would stand there and get hit over and over again and not do any hitting back. Yet, that is what it all has come to for me, and for anyone out there who refuses to bow down to tyranny -- whether it be tyranny by the government, or by fellow men.

It is beyond me why anyone would keep supporting a liar. It isn't about truth, if you really stop and think about it. No one wants the truth. They want a social club. It's about numbers. The Associated Press is so big in their distributorship that it doesn't matter whether they tell the truth or not. It doesn't matter how anti-gun their articles are -- or how many times they try to ruin someone's reputation for doing the right thing. The American Public (including the patriots) will still post their articles on their websites and give them support.

And those in the Patriot Media are just as bad.

The Patriots will still gripe when they get ignored even though there was a time when they could have taken ABC, NBC, and CBS to task by creating a rival media that had great promise -- had they only had the courage and time to spare to help out, or the money to give if they couldn't.

I don't want your emails about how I shouldn't give up. I've had those for over two years now. No help has come. Your prayers have gone unanswered if you have been praying for me as many have said they would. The cold hard fact is "faith withouts works is dead". I want to thank all those who did give something. You will forever hold a special place in my thoughts. Unfortunately for all of us, it wasn't enough.

I'm not going to apologize and be diplomatic. Diplomacy, sometimes, is just another form of compromise. The time for compromise is over. The time for patience and waiting is over.

Friends of Liberty has never been about me. But, since I'm paying for it out of my own pocket, and since I have no help on the website, and since I own the domain name, from now on, I am going to take the time to write my own articles. I am going to do my own research, I am going to post my own stuff up there -- that is, when I feel like it -- after my house gets cleaned, my kids get called, my pets get bathed and my significant other is taken care of.

So, go ahead and get mad. Call me names. Tell me I'm crazy, and while your at it, go tell everyone that Friends of Liberty is about Shonda.

For now, it will finally be true.

That is, after I can figure out what to do with all these submissions..