I stayed with a friend during the past few months, renting a bedroom for $35/week. I began attending church at the 1st Biker Church, a mission of the Missionary Baptist Church in Texarkana, Tx. I found a church home and eventually became a member there.
I worked my way up to Grill Operator at Waffle House, and continued to better myself in every way I could see possible. I even started selling Avon.
At Church, we started doing a study by Henry Blackaby called "Experiencing God". I was amazed. The study taught us how to know and do the will of God. As I continued for weeks in the study, I felt myself growing as a Christian, feeling my desires shift more from my self to my God. My depression left me, and I began to see where God was working around me, and I sought to adjust my life and join Him. Sometimes it wasn't possible -- or, rather, maybe I wasn't called for such tasks.
I began keeping a diary, in the form of a letter, which I decided at the appropriate time (when the notebook is filled up) to give it to my pastor. It documents my experiences as I learn to walk with God.
I've decided to include portions of my letter here, in hopes that it will bless whoever reads it.
My Letter to the Pastor and Members of the 1st Biker Church of Texarkana
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ:
I just thought I'd write to let you all know how I am doing in my walk with God, and how your misistry is leading me to grow in my Christian Faith.
After joining you in our study of Experiencing God, by Mr. Blackaby, I have opened myself to be led to learn and do the will of God. I've learned from past experience that Go prepares you for what is to come throughout your life. I have felt this even more so as I began this study.
I told you, for instance, that I was being led to sell Avon. Though I don't think, now, that it was making money that was the reason for it, it was the reason I agreed to do it. (oops). Maybe God knew that I wouldn't turn Him down, and that is why He put that particular task before me.
Now I see why.
As bad as my finances were, and still are, it gives me an opportunity to witness that I don't have at the Waffle House, where I work. It teaches me to trust God when things aren't looking to bright, to take risks, and to be determined and persistant, not to mention patient. I am investing more than I make, but the lessons learned is worth what I have invested, as it is with God's work.
As I pass out each brochure, it is comparable to the ministry of God. I may or may not get an order, but I plant the seed of interest. The seed can be passed along to others who may be interested. God is telling me that He is like my Avon Business. Each brochure represents a Bible teaching, or Word of God. As each disciple spreads the word that He exists, as each brochure is passed from hand to hand, the results are fruitful. Some produce $10 Sales, some $100, some $500, just as God's word results in saving souls. But it takes a Good Steward to do the work of spreading the brochures and the Word of God. And, God is explaining to me that He wants me to be a good steward of the faith.
And, God promises fruit to the obedient, so I can't give up.
In the meanwhile, I've also learned that God uses your circumstances to complete His will. I have been forced (as of February 8, 2007) to seek shelter at Randy Sam's Homeless Shelter for a time. I do not consider it a fall-back, or an obstacle. I, rather, consider it a blessing.
As I study my Bible at a table in the shelter, I have openned myself to allowing many people to walk by and initiate God-inspired Conversations that allow me to witness to them.
The Experiencing God study has prepared me in so many ways to deal with my current circumstances, and to seek more knowledge. I recently finished reading "The Great Controversy" by Ellen G. White, copyrighted in 1888. I was so engrossed in it that it took me a month and a half to read it all; and, it prepared me for the next book I chose to read, "The Purpose Driven Church", by Rick Warren.
"The Great Controversy is, basically, the history of the Protestant Church, and it expounds on the battle between God and Satan for the souls of the world. It touches on the past, then explains in Biblical depth, what the future holds. I was impressed by the forward by Ellen G. White, before I read the first chapter, because it fit in with what I had learned from the study.
As I began reading "The Purpose Driven Church", I was impressed with how much of what I've learned in "Experiencing God," and "The Great Controversy" were put into practice by Rick Warren. It's as if God led me to read all these books in the order I am reading them in.
I've learned to pray to God as each day starts for guidance to do His will. And, I pray that God uses my circumstances to Glorify His name, but I sure would like to be freed from some of it. (Sigh) Nevertheless, not my will, but thine, O Lord. Amen. Hey, If Jesus can pray that way, so can I...right?
I've invited about 10 people to come to church with me on Sunday morning. I don't know how I am going to get them all there if they accept, but where there is God's will...
Having just written that, I realize how much, I guess, I am acting on faith by doing that.
While I know I am where God purposes for me to be, I am, however, wondering what He is preparing for me in the future. I know this, too, is training. Knowing this, I am seeking every opportunity to obey when an opportunity presents itself.
I've chosen to write this letter because Paul wrote letters to the churches to encourage them in the midst of his afflictions. It is in the same spirit I am writing you now. I hope it will encourage you in your work, and the church, and I will cotinue to write as I continue to mature as a Christian.
I have a friend, at work, who has been doing a lot of self-help reading by authors such as Tony Robbins and other "Get Rich Quick" gurus that teach him to "look inside himself" for that "positive energy". Last night, as he sat there reading, I commented on what he was reading. When he explained, I said,"I'm reading a book by Rick Warren called 'The Purpose Driven Life'. He asked me what it was about. I explained, "It teaches me to look to God for my purpose in life, rather than at myself." He tried to argue that you couldn't do God's will without being right with God. I said, "You can't get right with God until you seek to know Him." I went to my car and retrieved the book, and showed him. He looked it over with interest.
Thank you all for your prayers concerning my two friends at work. I am delighted to see how God is responding in their lives because of it.
As I see God at work around me, I am encouraged to keep on the path I am walking with Him. Thank you so much for pointing me in the right direction!
I began reading "The Purpose Driven Life" on Tuesday. I was delighted that, in the beginning of the book, it stated all I had said to my friend at work. It brings me back to the verse about how God will bring His word into rememberance when it is needed most. And, it makes me feel so special, having been chosen by God for the task of helping lead others to true peace. "You can't get on right terms with yourself until you start with God," I had said.
In reading "The Purpose Driven Life", I came across a sentence that said, "Those who are trusted with something valuable must show that they are worthy of that trust." How valuable is a human soul? I felt honoured that God has given me the opportunities of late to Witness for Him.
Through a car ride, or by loaning a dollar here and there to help someone, or just plain companionship and fellowship, I feel closer to God in this homeless shelter than I did staying with my friends before.
There are days at the shelter that are more lonely and sad than others. Valentines Day was one of them. this day of love seems so far away from me that it hits my spirit like a ton of bricks, and all I can do is pray for the strength to get me through it. It is probably more self-pity than anything, so I try hard not to let it overtake me. I try to keep my focus on being in the will of God, because I know God will see me through -- as He always does. And, when you have God as your sweetheart, who else do you need.
The shelter has become a haven for me to become closer to God in so many ways. As I have been lacking in companionship, God is providing on a daily basis. As I have lacked in knowledge, god has provided time for me to study. I don't hunger or thirst. I am seeing stumbling blocks I didn't understand before now. I am witnessing, ministering to others, and building friendships that I hope with last.
God works in mysterious ways. He trains us for bigger assignments. His patience is merciful. And, my secrets are safe with him. I know of no better way to praise Him, than by telling others what I am finding out about Him on a daily basis.
I am in love with Him, and He is the only love I have that I am willing to share intimately with others.
Sunday I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to Church. But God (and it really WAS God!) saw to it that my car was fixed just in time. All I can say is that when you let go -- really let go-- and let God, God does His job! I prayed that morning that God would use my problem to bless someone. I told God, "Only you know why my alternator belt broke. You know I can't afford for anything to go wrong. But all I can do is trust you, Lord. You know what you are doing." He then sent an angel to me, who led me to a benevolent gentleman, who fixed the problem...and even refused payment.
There are times in my life when I feel God isn't there, but I know he is. During those times when I feel God is far away, I've learned to keep Him near in my heart, and to continue to work toward God as if He were making His presence known.
On Tuesday, February 20th, there was a Lutheran Ministry there at the shelter. I really enjoyed their services. Then, a lady approached me and said, "God has impressed it upon my hear to tell you that He has not thrown you to the wolves. He loves you. He is watching you. And He is here. He loves you."
I felt the tears come to my eyes, but I nodded and smiled and said, "I know."
One shelter resident, Justin, comes to talk to me now and then. He is taking care of an older man who travels with him from city to city, as he does odd jobs and ministers to those less fortunate by discussing Biblical truths. I let him have my book, "The Great Controversy", to take with him when he leaves. He will be one I miss.
I have had the opportunity to help several of the women at the shelter by sending them to Waffle House to apply for a job. Tonight, a third girl came to me for help. CPS has her child placed in a foster home, and she is trying to get on her feet so she can have him back. I sent her with a note to the hiring manager, who is working with me to help the needy.
I am now reading a book by Rod Dreher called "Crunchy Cons". As a Christian Activist, it is my opinion that politics and religion go hand in hand, no matter how hard separatists work to make people believe otherwise. There is a lot that politics can teach a Christian, especially if he is conservative in nature. Sometimes I think God is a conservative activist, but after reading "Crunchy Cons", I see where God has His hand in Liberal activism, as well. At any rate, I have come to understand that having an open mind does not mean that you are to be "broad-minded". (Matthew 7:13-14)
While I was at work Sunday night, I was told by a new girl that she was considering home-schooling as an option. I then had the opportunity to preach the bonding value of home education, and how it affected me and my children. I told her how, even today, we all are thankful for the experience, and my children respect me more for my efforts.
One employee at Waffle House began reprimanding me for talking so down on public education, saying I had no right to diss what many have found fulfilling. He touted social negligence and then tried to use God to defend his points, saying God wants children to have a good education. I argued that God gave the job of educating children to the parents, not the government, and that fellowship (i.e. socialization) should be done with people who are like-minded. (Deuteronomy 11:19)
She considered both of our viewpoints, but it is obvious she is a Christian, and I was able to give her helpful information about where to look for curriculum and further information. I think my witness was better.
I understand that not everyone is called to Homeschool. But, I believe God especially blesses those that do it.
There are a group of men at the shelter that I call "Justin's Group" because they sit around all day (when they aren't working) discussing the Bible. They talk about other things as well, but somehow, even in those discussions, the Bible is brought out and scripture is referred to. I have noticed how others in the shelter have paid attention to that table of men, and how it is encouraging some unlikely people to pick up the Bible and start reading it. I really am going to miss Justin when he leaves.
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