Shonda Ponder

I find myself starting over again at this point in my life. It's as if all my efforts have been thrown in my face and grinded into my skin. My emotional net worth has been reduced to nothing.

I am going back to God for help, as usual. I am the one who withdrew from Him, and now I am the one who has to make amends for it. It's funny, because at the time, I thought I was where I was supposed to be. But, I wasn't. I was simply where I wanted to be and hoped that was enough. It wasn't.

I am now taking inventory of my life. What do I have? What do I want? What do I need? and Where do I go from here?

I am going to get on my knees and ask God to take me where He thinks I should be, and to allow me to prosper in that direction. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to do anything, but if I have to do something, it has to be this.

I am suffering from major depression right now, and fighting to keep it from controlling my health and mental well-being. I am exercising, forcing myself to continue to work. I am forcing myself to eat. I am forcing myself to bathe and clean the house. I am forcing myself, basically, to live.

This, too, shall pass.

Right?

Let us hope so.

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